A little bit about my past…
Dekhiye, I admit I have a past – who doesn’t.
I was the hot maal in the days of the kabutar, Omegle, BBM, Viber, FB, Whatsapp, Insta, and OMG Tinderrrrrrr….and bam. There came my death. People just DM one-another locations now, and meet up. MEET UP? HAMESHA? Mera kya hoga? I was left to the world of estranged lovers, or long distance flings; left, to think about the old days when poets wrote of me, when Shakespeare himself spent nights dedicated to me…
Confused? Main hoon kaun? Well…people today fondly refer to me as ‘sexting’. Naam toh suna hoga. Now let me tell you how I got my name.
If we do a sandhi vicched of my name, we get sex and texting: messages as a means to ‘getting some’. Abhi the medium may be your cell phone, but written sex has toh existed for a long time! Poems, letters, love songs, you name it…I have always existed to help people get it on, from over a distance, to be itne paas while itne door.
What do you think Shakespeare implied when he wrote “Graze on my lips and if those hills be dry, stray lower where the pleasant fountains lie”, in Venus and Adonis? Purani English for Give it 2me bb, dheere dheere!
What did Katrina Kaif mean when she sang “Zara zara touch me touch me touch me…” in Race?
Then there was Bilhana who wrote an entire 11th Century ka sext poem!
“And Still Today I hear the gentle tinkle
of long bejeweled rings, dangling from her ears,
glistening with drops of perspiration,
chafing her gold-dusted cheeks
as she bends over me, raving in her frenzy.
`Her greedy lips suck at my mouth.”
~ Caurapâñcâśikâ / The Collection of Fifty Verses by a Love Thief
Basically, sexting can be in various forms. I range from flirting, to banter, to suggestive notes, to the now trending medium of text–sexts and photos! So, who better to teach you about me…than me? Do you have any questions for me?
How do I become a pro-sexter?
Yes, sexting ambience is a thing. Just like good ol’ mood lighting and subtle fragrances, there are some basics that you can only benefit by nailing (punny, hehe).
A common concern when sexting is dealing with the anxiety in your stomach–what if your partner is simply humouring you, and isn’t really into this? You can’t see their expressions, so how can you tell if they’re faking it?
Listening is a big part of sensing consent (or no consent)
Ask, suggest, or send out a feeler, , before you begin. Watch for verbal cues, if they are hesitant or not interested altogether, respond by changing the subject, or laugh it off with a joke, they might not be at the same place you are in, in this textationship. If you don’t hear reciprocation don’t persist and take it to the next level.
Also, it’s not just about the sex part – if you pay attention to the other person you will understand more about their tastes and preferences, which will help you take it to another level, should they reciprocate, because….
Pleasure is a great way to be consensual
Just like in physical sex, it is important for both of you to have fun. Try to really understand your partner, so you know what they like and how they like it. Not only will this score you brownie points, but will make the whole act more enjoyable for both of you! If they like the aag, bring it. If they prefer it tender, go mellow and hot-sweet. Be watchful that your partner is having fun, and at ease.
Alternate for balance
In all things sexual, there is no one size fits all, and there is definitely no standard way even for the same persons across days. Assess the mood of the day, the tone, the engagement and the level of mazaa. Be sure to mix it up to keep it interesting–you could be the initiator one day, and the passive engager the other. After all, sex has to be about both giving and receiving; one need not always be on ‘Top’.
Go Ahista Ahista!
Take the time to create comfort and trust with your sext buddy, and we promise it will get better every time! No rush, slow and steady wins the race (even though this race usually has two-or more-winners!). Ease into the flow, go from flirty to sexty after assessing your partner’s pace, and comfort level; and whatever happens, make sure it is mutual.
Tumhe mirchi lagi, toh main kya karun?
Sexting doesn’t always have to be talking dirty. A little goes a long way when sexting. Slow doses of mirchi are the best way to turn up the heat. After all, some say the best part about sex is the foreplay–why shouldn’t that apply here as well?
Start with suggestions, like saying how someone is making you feel, and move forward to more directness or dirty-fun, response mutabik, of course – follow the verbal cues of your partner, the way you might a sigh or moan in physical life. The words you use and when you use them can be the difference between a meteor shower and a cold shower.
Don’t follow a template
Templates are for budgets not individuals. Someone might need “I want you to hold me, to feel your skin on my body” and someone else, might be a “fuck me daddy” kind. Apply what you know about the person, and what you know brings you pleasure! Don’t unthinkingly mimic what you’ve seen in porn – pay attention to what’s going on instead. Even if you are unsure, that is part of the intimacy and fun.
It’s about enriching your word-or emoji – power
Emojis, memes and GIFs can go a long way in communicating what the written word cannot. But sometimes, these emojis may be too hard to decipher. Like, if you got this text 🍆👄🎆. What does it even mean? Do they have a mindblowing baingan recipe they want to share?
Here are some commonly used sexting emojis, with their associated meanings just for your ease:
Let things get sticky
You might also choose to use GIFs and memes, for subtle innuendos, or in-your-face forthrightness that words sometimes fail to capture.
There are thousands of sticker packs, memes and gifs to help you add some magic masala!
Credits: Kawira Mwirichia and Friends
An important element that these humorous sexting aids have in common is the fact that they ask your partner to join you in having fun. A sure shot way to put them at ease! Because…
It’s about the laughs and smiles
Fun fact/pro tip: Sex in real life is always a little awkward, funny and playful. You don’t have to sound like a porn dubbing track, have fun with it – humour always works! It could me in the form of memes and emojis to establish some comfort, or could be through a suggestive poem, or a song.
A smile on your partner’s face when sexting with you, is a definite A+ on at least this writing assignment!
Every sexual act has some amount of basic precautionary measures that you could only benefit from. Sexting ka bhi condom hai! Some basic tips to keep in mind when sexting with a stranger, or even a loved one.
1. Watch out for Catfishing
Try to know your partner’s identity, to some extent. Catfishers are common in 2020, and you would like to at least know if the person you’re talking to is legit, or a distant-enough stranger.
2. The 2 Cs: Comfort and Confidence
As with sex, comfort is pleasure–the two go hand in hand. Don’t do anything you or your partner are not comfortable with. Know the power of no, and don’t hesitate to use it, or heed it when it comes from the other person. Sexting is a ton of fun, as long as you are in that comfy zone, which often comes with some confidence in your partner. Have a few conversations/meetings, unless of course, stranger danger turns you on. Make sure you are either okay with sharing pictures/intimate information, or have enough confidence in your partner to know it is safe with them.
3. Switch to boudoir pictures
Boudoir photography employs sexual suggestion as opposed to obvious nudity. Try and send images that cover up the ‘private’ part of your private parts and/or protect your identity. This can help when you want to be flirty and suggestive while at the same time wish to take adequate digital protection.
4. For extra safety, some surakshit app/tech recommendations
Watch out for these phrases, to know if the app you are using takes basic precautions:
- End-to-end encryption: This ensures that the information remains secure between your partner(s) and you.
- Disappearing messages: The new fad of today, and a boon for avid sexters. Instagram, Snapchat, Facebook Messenger, and now, even WhatsApp, all have the disappearing message. Activating it will ensure your message disappears after 24 hours (or immediately after they have been read–it’s in your hands).
- Screenshot Notifier: A lot of apps tell you if the person has taken a screenshot of a message/picture that you have sent them. The best way to track their intentions, some might say! Dust, Snapchat, and Confide all have this feature.
All this said, there is no absolute way to know your information is safe on the internet, aside from trust in your sexting buddy.
Can Sharma aunty send me to jail for my relationship with you?
Social prison, perhaps. Real prison, NO!
Although sexting is included as a cybercrime on the cybercrime portal, it has never been banned by the law, and is completely legal. However, the term sexting itself assumes consent. Without consent, sexting does not exist; that texting has been given the naamkaran of ‘harassment’!
Here are some answers to common questions around the legality of sexting:
Is leaking my nudes and other sexual pictures/content without my permission illegal and punishable?
Yes. Section 66E and 67A of the IT Act condemn, both unintentional and deliberate, transmission of images that violate an individual’s privacy (i.e. their body parts) with 1-3 years of imprisonment and/or a hefty fine. Consent is of prime importance here.
This law is also gender neutral, and applies to people of all sexes and genders.
What happens if my partner, or I, am being sent sexts without consent?
For sexting, consent is essential. Without consent, the act is considered sexual harassment and is pubishable under Section 354A of the Indian Penal Code, and 67A of the IT Act.
Workplace harassment can also be charged under the POSH act.
Do minors get extra protection? Is sending/receiving sexts as a minor illegal?
Yes, ‘explicit’ pictures of a minor, both with and without their consent, is a crime and renders the adult punishable under section 67B of the IT Act. This pertains to both images sent by, and taken of, minors.
Even sexting with a minor, irrespective of consent, is illegal under Section II of the POCSO Act. It states that both sending and receiving pornographic content to a minor is punishable, across all forms and media. The use of children for pornographic purposes is also, obviously, illegal.
Even possessing nudes of a minor (anyone under the age of 18) can warrant prosecution for the adult!
Now, as always, we might disagree with the law and believe strongly that certain aspects of it need to be attuned to today’s times, but that is a different matter from what is applicable in the law at the present time.