We observed #ConsentWeek at AOI from 25th November to 2nd December, 2018. We asked you, our Agents, to share with us some articles, personal essays, videos, podcasts that you think are important resources on consent. Here is a compilation of the responses we received with a few additions of our own.
You can help us add to this ever-growing resource list by emailing us at [email protected]
“We sat down with several different groups of college-age women to talk about their sexual experiences. And we found that despite colleges now being steeped in conversations about consent, there was another conversation in intimate moments that just wasn’t happening. “
“Let’s start at 16-and-a-half, a half-a-lifetime ago. I was gone off this boy who lived around the corner from me. He was two grades ahead in school, a senior. We rode the bus together. His name sang with alliteration fit for a newscaster. Tall, Black, beautiful in that stony, delicate way only young men can be.”
“‘I wish someone would have told me it’s not my responsibility to please others at my own expense’, says Angie Aker (a founding mind behind Upworthy).”
“She swiped right because she liked his dog. But what happened that night became a viral #MeToo story.”
A popular video explaining consent using a cup of tea as a metaphor for sex.
One of the most controversial points in the modern discussion of rape is consent. Comic artist Alli Kirkham helped clear the question up with a series of 7 comics that illustrate sexual consent issues with everyday situations that are easier for everyone to understand.
“Perhaps the most dispiriting thing about the stories emerging from the bhadralok #MeToo moment of the last two weeks is that not a single story about men I’ve actually known or met surprised me.”
“We, it seems, are also being careful, strategic. We are whispering to one another, please don’t muddy the waters by talking about false equivalences right now. We are admonishing each other out of fear, please, I beg you not to distract from this powerful wellspring of feminist truths, this unstoppable testimony of violation and survival, by attending to gray areas and complexities.”
“My first play, Rabbit, was about young professionals and when it came to writing Consent, I thought I’d really like to see where these kind of people are at, now that their marriages are beginning to have a bit of wear and tear and they have young children in their lives.”
“It was a terrible kiss, shockingly bad; Margot had trouble believing that a grown man could possibly be so bad at kissing.”
Love In The Garden Of Consent – Agents Of Ishq
Pink – Shoojit Sarkar
“Sometimes, someone being raped will clearly say no and will NOT clearly say yes. They might say no verbally, with words, they might say no by crying, they might say no by physically trying to push away the other person or get away from them.”
“Finally now, the public discussion around rape has become personal. The discussions and activism of the last five years have slowly begun to dislodge the overwhelming imagination of rape created by popular cinema: Something a bestial stranger does to a pure woman.”
“For many men, consent is a boundary that has to be challenged, rather than respected: Whether it’s Nana Patekar, who insisted there was a ‘misunderstanding’ between him and Tanushree Dutta, or the allegations against Aziz Ansari that were chalked up to a bad date.”
“Over the last weekend, a number of men who spoke the right language, were equipped with the right vocabulary to express the right kind of views on liberal issues were named as sexual harassers. None of these progressive men seemed to know about the concept of enthusiastic consent.”
“In a vigorous new trend supported by many feminists, affirmative consent requirements are appearing in campus sexual conduct codes and in a parallel campaign for reform of state-based criminal law.”
Consent Lavani- Agents Of Ishq
“For anyone reading the newspapers, in India and abroad, one thing is clear: the way we were taught – or not taught – about consent, at home and at school, was woefully lacking in substance and nuance. But we have an opportunity to shape children’s attitude’s towards human sexuality now.”
“This is actually happening. The so-called ‘revelations’ about endemic male sexual aggression in Hollywood, in the media, in politics, in the tech world, and in communities large and small have not stopped, despite every conceivable effort to dismiss, discredit, shame, and belittle the survivors coming forward to demand a different world.”
“My heart goes out to men right now. Actually, my heart goes out to all sorts of unsavory places these days, no matter how much I warn it. My heart goes out to men most nights, wearing precarious outfits, no doubt getting exactly what it deserves. It brings back stories.”
“The sexual imagination of India is still feudal; simply installing Tinder isn’t going to update it overnight.”
At Agents of Ishq the conversation on consent has been constant and if you’d like to check it here are a few links
The AOI Crowdsourced Guide On How To Deal With Saying And Hearing No by Debasmita Das and Anahita Sachdev
Every now and then we hear about a scandal where a well-known man is accused of sexual harassment and defends himself by saying that his intentions were good. Recently, TVF founder Arunabh Kumar currently accused by 50 separate complainants of sexual harassment said, ” I am a heterosexual, single man and when I find a woman sexy, I tell her she’s sexy – but this is only done in my personal capacity.